Friday, May 30, 2014

Infertility Is...

It's strange to look back on my fight against infertility. Your focus completely changes when you're pregnant.  Sometimes it's hard for me to remember how difficult this has been all because I'm so happy for what's to come in 5 months. Nevertheless, I'm afraid it's something I will have to battle for each precious child we are blessed with. 

It's heartbreaking how many people face infertility. It reminds me of the quote, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Infertility is real and it is hard. Many battle it privately. More people than you would realize.

This is infertility:

it's learning a second language of acronyms
it's having a spare bedroom waiting to hold a crib
it's deleting Facebook to avoid pregnancy announcements
it's skipping your friend's baby blessing
it's day dreaming 
it's comparing yourself to the pregnant teenagers, drug addicts, alcoholics, and unmarried
it's holding back tears through baby showers
it's bruises on your stomach, arms, and hands from all the needles
it's forgetting what it's like to feel "normal" because of all the hormone treatments
it's a constant prayer in your heart
it's a constant taunt in the back of your head
it's hiding the pain, tears, appointments, medications, and failures from your family and friends
it's repetitive research in hopes to find something new
it's wishing you were normal
it's  making decisions you never thought you'd have to make
it's evaluating everything you eat
it's avoiding future plans
it's incessant torture of what ifs
it's slowly opening to the thought of adoption
it's always having a tear ready to fall
it's dreaming you're pregnant only to wake up empty
it's a torment of whys 
it's bills upon bills
it's looking in the mirror and imagining a baby bump
it's seeing your doctor more than your friends
it's feeling too young for infertility
it's a test of your endurance 
it's having names picked out but wondering how many you will actually get to use
it's trying not to get your hopes up 
it's wishing you had everything that pregnant women complain about 
it's being thankful for the friend you can confide in and trust
it's being so nervous to take a pregnancy test you make yourself sick
it's feeling guilty - guilty to your husband that you can't do your part 
it's pushing your limits of hope

it's love 
it's a miracle
it's turning your heart to the Lord and trusting He hears your cries.


  1. I can relate to so many of those statements!

  2. My heart breaks for couples who struggle with infertility. What a blessing that you're expecting your bundle of joy!

  3. so true and so sad, i just went through the 2ww and just don't work out... so this post came to me in a very sad point... but so happy that you have your little angels on the way


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