Infertility Is...

It's strange to look back on my fight against infertility. Your focus completely changes when you're pregnant.  Sometimes it's hard for me to remember how difficult this has been all because I'm so happy for what's to come in 5 months. Nevertheless, I'm afraid it's something I will have to battle for each precious child we are blessed with. 

It's heartbreaking how many people face infertility. It reminds me of the quote, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Infertility is real and it is hard. Many battle it privately. More people than you would realize.

This is infertility:

it's learning a second language of acronyms

it's having a spare bedroom waiting to hold a crib

it's deleting Facebook to avoid pregnancy announcements

it's skipping your friend's baby blessing
it's day dreaming 
it's comparing yourself to the pregnant teenagers, drug addicts, alcoholics, and unmarried

it's holding back tears through baby showers

it's bruises on your stomach, arms, and hands from all the needles

it's forgetting what it's like to feel "normal" because of all the hormone treatments

it's a constant prayer in your heart

it's a constant taunt in the back of your head

it's hiding the pain, tears, appointments, medications, and failures from your family and friends

it's repetitive research in hopes to find something new

it's wishing you were normal

it's  making decisions you never thought you'd have to make

it's evaluating everything you eat

it's avoiding future plans

it's incessant torture of what ifs

it's slowly opening to the thought of adoption

it's always having a tear ready to fall

it's dreaming you're pregnant only to wake up empty
it's a torment of whys 
it's bills upon bills

it's looking in the mirror and imagining a baby bump
it's seeing your doctor more than your friends

it's feeling too young for infertility
it's a test of your endurance 

it's having names picked out but wondering how many you will actually get to use
it's trying not to get your hopes up 

it's wishing you had everything that pregnant women complain about 

it's being thankful for the friend you can confide in and trust

it's being so nervous to take a pregnancy test you make yourself sick
it's feeling guilty - guilty to your husband that you can't do your part 

it's pushing your limits of hope

it's love 

it's a miracle

it's turning your heart to the Lord and trusting He hears your cries.