Part 4: I Will Wait for my Miracle

This is Part 4 of a series of posts telling the journey to our third little miracle baby.

More will be coming soon. Click the links to read Part 1 and Part 2 and Part 3.

I will wait...

Two days later the blood came.

My body is mourning through tears of scarlet. Every cramp, every drop, reminds me of what is not to come. I had a due date. It was July 10th, 2016. I was so excited, I got my hopes up, but nothing will happen when July arrives. No special delivery.

Part of me thinks I'm being over dramatic, making mountains out of mole hills. But I am hurting. I have thought of this embryo every day since I knew of its existence. Everyday I have thought that my precious little embryo would one day become part of our family. That Boston and Lyla would have a little brother or sister. So much thought, hope, and love has gone into something so small, small as the period at the end of this sentence.

Writing helps the pain pass. I have no idea what I'm supposed to learn from this. I am not angry at God, just confused. I still expect great miracles from Him. After many years my sister was able to conceive naturally. She might not believe that it was a miracle from God, I don't really know her stance on it, but I certainly do believe it was. And now I'm waiting for mine. Something needs to happen because even though I was afraid I would never have more children, I'm going to fight for it. I don't know my plan, I don't want to do IVF again, but I will figure something out. I will wait for my miracle.

Talking with Chris about what happened breaks my heart even more. He really thought this was going to work and that we would be celebrating. That the voicemail from my nurse would bring tears of happiness, not tears of great sorrow. We both viewed this embryo as our next child, that this embryo would become a part of our family forever. We both felt like we lost a child that day. Our hearts are devastated.

Again, to those who know how I am feeling, to those women who have had miscarriages, who have lost a baby, I do not know how you do it. You are so strong. You are my heroes.

A message I will never forget

I had some leftover Endometrin (a really expensive progesterone medication) after our frozen transfer so I decided to donate it to my fertility clinic. Everything was still so fresh and painful that when we pulled up to the clinic I couldn't go in. I asked Chris to give it to the receptionists for me. Attached to the Endometrin I included a note basically explaining that I wanted it donated to someone that couldn't afford it and that I will be praying for that person to be able to get pregnant. Chris dropped it off and we drove away.

The next day I got an email from my nurse that meant a lot, especially during this sensitive time.

Rachel,
I just wanted to send an email letting you know that I received the donated Endometrin. Your note with it was painfully sweet to read. I have that little note saved on my desk as a reminder to myself to show grace when faced with a hard situation, as you did. Your note of compassion really stopped me in my tracks, because I know your own heart is hurting. Your act of kindness will be appreciated by someone beyond measure. I hope you are doing okay. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Her message is something I will never forget. Nurses truly are angels.

Each part of these posts were written over a year ago. I call them posts, but they really feel like personal journal entries. My journey didn't end with an unsuccessful frozen embryo transfer, it was actually just the beginning. I said I would wait for my miracle and that's just what I did. I can't wait to tell you about it.

More coming soon!

Click here for Part 5.

Infertility Is...

It's strange to look back on my fight against infertility. Your focus completely changes when you're pregnant.  Sometimes it's hard for me to remember how difficult this has been all because I'm so happy for what's to come in 5 months. Nevertheless, I'm afraid it's something I will have to battle for each precious child we are blessed with. 

It's heartbreaking how many people face infertility. It reminds me of the quote, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." Infertility is real and it is hard. Many battle it privately. More people than you would realize.

This is infertility:

it's learning a second language of acronyms

it's having a spare bedroom waiting to hold a crib

it's deleting Facebook to avoid pregnancy announcements

it's skipping your friend's baby blessing
it's day dreaming 
it's comparing yourself to the pregnant teenagers, drug addicts, alcoholics, and unmarried

it's holding back tears through baby showers

it's bruises on your stomach, arms, and hands from all the needles

it's forgetting what it's like to feel "normal" because of all the hormone treatments

it's a constant prayer in your heart

it's a constant taunt in the back of your head

it's hiding the pain, tears, appointments, medications, and failures from your family and friends

it's repetitive research in hopes to find something new

it's wishing you were normal

it's  making decisions you never thought you'd have to make

it's evaluating everything you eat

it's avoiding future plans

it's incessant torture of what ifs

it's slowly opening to the thought of adoption

it's always having a tear ready to fall

it's dreaming you're pregnant only to wake up empty
it's a torment of whys 
it's bills upon bills

it's looking in the mirror and imagining a baby bump
it's seeing your doctor more than your friends

it's feeling too young for infertility
it's a test of your endurance 

it's having names picked out but wondering how many you will actually get to use
it's trying not to get your hopes up 

it's wishing you had everything that pregnant women complain about 

it's being thankful for the friend you can confide in and trust

it's being so nervous to take a pregnancy test you make yourself sick
it's feeling guilty - guilty to your husband that you can't do your part 

it's pushing your limits of hope

it's love 

it's a miracle

it's turning your heart to the Lord and trusting He hears your cries.

The Hard Side of Sharing the News

After I used to cry when I found out other couples were pregnant I always told myself that when/if I got pregnant I would make up for that sadness by shouting it out to the world. It would finally be my turn right?

As we have been slowly letting people in on the news I've paid close attention to their reactions. For example, I told a few ladies together the other day and I got mixed responses.

First was from a lady who is done having kids. I could tell she was so very excited for me.

The second was a girl my age who is married, but doesn't have kids yet. She said it was the best news she'd heard and said I was going to be a great mother (that warmed my heart). I could tell she was genuinely happy for me.

Third was another girl my age and married. She was more unexpressed and said a simple congratulations and that was it. It reminded me of myself months ago. Is she baby hungry? Is she suffering through infertility? Did I just rub salt into a wound? She's merely an acquaintance so maybe I'm just looking into it too much.

How can I be so overwhelmed with joy for finally becoming pregnant when there's so many others struggling? I want to say it's not fair, but at the same time I fought my war against infertility. After many battles I finally came out the winner. 

I'm so torn. I know I can't expect everyone to be happy for me, but it breaks my heart when I can tell that they're not. It's been an interesting situation I'm trying to navigate.

Any suggestions on what to do?

Embryo Transfer!

Saturday was the BIG day! I am blown away at how far we've come.

We arrived at the clinic at 8:30am Saturday morning with my bladder very full. They ask you to come with a full bladder because it helps straighten the uterus and visually helps through abdominal ultrasound because water helps with ultrasound waves. TMI, but I never peed when I got up that morning, so I really had to go! 

First we met with a nurse and signed some papers. From the sounds of it everything has been going by the textbook. Usually by day 5, half of the embryos are too poor quality to keep for freezing. With transferring the 2 that day, we would only have 3 leftover for cryopreservation. Good thing is that those three were all good quality and should be great for future frozen transfers.

The nurse offered me Valium and I almost said yes, but for the wrong reasons (I'm hilarious on it). I'd heard that transfers are similar to an IUI so I knew I could handle the pain. Plus I wanted to be coherent during the procedure. This time Chris got to join me in the OR. I got to put on my sexy grown, hat, and booties, and Chris got a ravishing yellow cover, complete with booties, hat, and mask. What's with the mean face Chris?

When we went into the OR we had to wait for awhile, so we got to chat with one of the Medical Assistants and get to know her better. I was cozy with warm blankets and my husband's hand holding mine. It was also very cool because they had a TV screen showing the view through our embryologist's microscope in the next room over. It was amazing to see him prepping our little embryos. He introduced himself as our "babysitter" and that they've been doing great! He also kept calling them our little babies. I thought that was funny because I figured the embryologist would be more technical in his terms. I loved it though.

Eventually our doctor came in and got everything ready which included the dreaded speculum. That thing was just hanging out in my you know what for a good 20 minutes. I've lost count how many times I've had to encounter that evil device. But I didn't even care this time, I was too excited. They have to handle things very carefully and have a set of keywords to know when the doctor and embryologist are ready and are transferring the catheter with our two precious little embryos, or what I like to call our little "embies". I actually didn't even realize when he inserted the catheter and released the embryos, I was that relaxed! Sometimes you can see a little speck pushed through the catheter into the uterus on the ultrasound, but I missed it. The embryologist then checked the catheter to ensure both got out. Everything looked good, so they had me rest for a little while and then sent us on our way.

We went home and took it easy the rest of the day per doctor's orders. I felt bad because it was my brother's birthday and we had to miss his family dinner. The next morning I had exerted myself a little too much, so now I'm really paying attention to my body and making sure I'm relaxed as possible. I'm still on several medications and have added in progesterone and Cabergoline. The Metformin still makes me sick, but I just taking it all in stride.

And the best part of all this? We got a picture! It might sound weird to love a bunch of cells, but I do. I love them for their potential. Their potential to make us parents and give us not just one, but maybe even two very desired children, and to fulfill our dream of starting a family.

Babies first picture?

We are just so excited and truly hope it works this time. Knowing I have two precious embryos inside me is just so surreal. I can't tell you how overjoyed I will be if I become pregnant! It's strange to think that if all this works out, technically I will be three weeks pregnant tomorrow. What?! It's weird because I'm not pregnant, but by the way it is measured I would be three weeks pregnant at this point. 

Implantation should happen within the next few days. Praying and having faith is all we can do at this point, and boy are we praying!

See the sucker in his mouth? That's his favorite part of going to the doctor with me!

 

IVF - This is happening!

On Monday I had a phone appointment with my Reproductive Endocrinologist. We went over my past treatments and made a plan for IVF. Since I've been on birth control the past 3 weeks it shortened the treatment plan by three weeks and I get to start medications today. I had a 2 hour appointment yesterday for another ultrasound, blood work (6 vials this time, yuck), urine sample, and to sign a ton of paperwork which also included paper work for freezing the embryos. Unfortunately insurance doesn't cover freezing so I had to write a huge check in advance. I will be going to the doctor numerous times this coming week. I already have more blood work for Friday and Chris is having blood work and a Kruger test to have a closer look at his sperm morphology on Saturday. The test looks at the shape of his sperm to see if they're developing properly. If a man has a decreased number of normally shaped sperm on the Kruger analysis, he is at risk of fertilization failure or lower rates of fertilization. Then I have more blood work and an ultrasound on Sunday. That appointment will determine next weeks appointments and how many more ultrasounds I will have. It sounds like they will be every other day since it's extremely important to monitor the growth of the follicles. 

If a man has a decreased number of normally shaped sperm on the Krueger strict morphology analysis, he is at risk of fertilization failure or at least low rates of fertilization. - See more at: http://www.babymed.com/male-infertility/sperm-morphology-kruger-sperm-function-test#sthash.ovotEWTi.dpuf

If a man has a decreased number of normally shaped sperm on the Krueger strict morphology analysis, he is at risk of fertilization failure or at least low rates of fertilization. - See more at: http://www.babymed.com/male-infertility/sperm-morphology-kruger-sperm-function-test#sthash.ovotEWTi.dpuf

I'm actually not nervous at all. Even though I will be starting multiple medications, injections, and going to numerous appointments, I am SO excited. I really feel like we are being guided right now and that Heavenly Father is watching out for us. I've been feeling his calming love so much. I literally feel like I am being carried. My heart is full.

Thankful for Bad News

I was thinking today about how grumpy I've been and how I really should post some things I'm thankful for. And then I got bad news. And I cried. In the bathroom. At work. Like a baby. Because I want a baby.

But then I thought about how this would be a good opportunity for me to look for the good in something bad.

I'm going to start naming that thing... ;)

Well, my period came on Wednesday (cycle day 16) which is crazy early. It's because they didn't have me do the progesterone supplement, which only confirms that I do need it here on out. I won't even tell you how you're supposed to take the pill because it's nasty. So this morning I went in for a typical day 3 baseline ultrasound and blood draw. I only have one tiny vein they draw from and the vein is starting to get scarred. The ultrasound showed the corpus luteum in my left ovary is still there. Normally you would see the beginnings of some tiny follicles, but it was cloudy again. My nurse said she would call me later today after she talks to the doctor about what to do. I had been thankful my period came so dang early (twice in a month? yuck) because that meant I could accomplish 2 cycles in 1 month. Get 'er done! But my nurse called and said my left ovary needs to recover. She gave me two options.

1. Wait until my next period...which would never happen on my own. 
2. Take birth control pills for three weeks then wait for a period to come from it.

I've never taken birth control pills in my life. So I didn't like the idea at first, but then I knew I'd be waiting months for a period to come on it's own. I decided on the lesser of the two bummer options and will be taking birth control for the next three weeks. I cried after hanging up because it meant another month of waiting. That evil word snuck up on me again...WHY? But then I excused the word and starting looking for the positives and what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for the chance to have a short break from doctor appointments, blood draws, pills, injections, and stress of it all to let my body rest. 

I am thankful that I can take the birth control pills because they will help "reset" my hormones and help me get in check for next time.

I am thankful for this time that I can focus on becoming one with my body and de-stress.

I am thankful for this time where I can focus solely on my husband and not have the distractions from infertility treatments. 

I have been really sensitive to news about new pregnancies so I have also deactivated Facebook. It's just too much for me, so I'm choosing to take a break from all that until I am strong enough to take it without sinking into a dark place. Again, I am thankful for this short break and plan to make the most of it. I want to focus more on my husband, and things I like doing like singing, baking, photography, enjoying the outdoors, reading, and exercising.

I have two goals for these next 4 weeks:

1. To go more than a day without crying...yes I am serious. 

2. To do as much as I possibly can with my husband, however big or small the adventures may be. 

Here's to a happy 4 weeks!

Weekend Rollar Coaster

Well, I'm back at it again! I started Femara last Thursday and had a baseline ultrasound on Friday. My doctor wanted to check my cyst to see if it's causing any problems, as well as lay out the plan for this month and get some blood work. Thankfully the cyst is just chilling there, so it shouldn't be a problem. I'm doing the same thing again this month but they're increasing the dosage for my FSH injections to 150 units and will monitor my progesterone after my IUI. They think the increased dosage of FSH will also increase my progesterone after ovulation. So my doctor appointment went well and we have a plan for January.

On Saturday I called Freedom Fertility Pharmacy to refill my injectables that I needed to start taking on Monday. They have overnight shipping so I thought it would be fine. We met up with some friends from school at the nickle arcade where the boys played and the girls talked. Of course having kids was brought up and I acted like I've hardly thought about it. That's always my response. It's sort of my defense mechanism. Only a couple people know what we're going through and I want it to stay that way. But while we were chatting I noticed I had a voicemail from the pharmacy. I went out to the car and called them back. Unfortunately they didn't have good news. My insurance is no longer covering my FSH injections and I would need to pay hundreds of dollars for them. Also, because of this, they were unable to send my injections which meant I wouldn't get them in time. The poor guy on the phone had to listen to me cry and beg him to help me. I had no notification of insurance changes and I felt doomed. All I could do was wait until Monday to talked to my insurance because the pharmacy was closing. 

Chris came and found me while I bawled all over him. He's the best. He always knows what to do. Needless to say, I cried for a long time. I felt hopeless.

Sunday I cried even more. I don't know if it was because I will still upset about my insurance or if it was because we were prayerfully fasting again that we could be blessed with a child. We felt the spirit strongly with us and it gave me new hope. 

Monday I was ready for battle. I checked with my insurance to see if there were any other brands that they covered for FSH and thankfully they covered two others. All day I was stepping out of the office to take phone calls and get everything sorted out. After about a dozen calls, my doctor wrote a new prescription for my FSH and I set up delivery for my new Gonal-f injections. I wouldn't receive an injection in time for that night, so my clinic generously donated some Bravelle to me so that I would have some. That's worth some big $$$ they donated. I love my clinic. I was surely being watched over. 

Want to know the best thing I learned from all this? I changed my perspective. Instead of getting angry and asking WHY did this happen? I said to myself, hey maybe this is God's way of getting involved because he knows I will respond better to this new kind of injection than the one I had before. 

I'm feeling good. I know I'm being watched over. Round three of injections: commence!

Curveball!

So of course once a plan is set perfectly in place my body has to go mess things up. After I got home from work the day of my ultrasound I realized I had forgotten to take an ovulation test that morning. So I took one expecting nothing of it and lo and behold it was positive! Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot. Shoot! What do I do? The office was closed and in a moment of panic I telephoned the doctor on call. Good thing I did, because he told me to take my trigger shot right away and schedule an IUI for the next day. I felt horrible calling him after hours, especially since he was at his son's viola concert. But at the same time, I think I saved him for boredom because he told me he didn't want to listen to it anyway! Unfortunately the positive ovulation test messed up the timing of everything and made things harder to control. He had me take the trigger shot to help ovulation just in case. The next morning I was able to schedule the insemination in the afternoon and collection for Chris at noon. It messed up Chris's work schedule and meetings but it all worked out. Thankfully his semen analysis was so much better this time. And motility was at 86% compared to 52% last time! Even though I only had one mature follicle, I think the IUI was still definitely worth it.

Just waiting for another IUI!

I asked my ovulation specialist if she could do a quick ultrasound just to see if we could tell if the egg had been released. It was really hard to see but it looked as if it might have and there was a corpus luteum collapsing.
This IUI seemed much smoother and there was a lot less discomfort (even the dreaded speculum wasn't so bad). After laying down for a little while I went on my way and worked from home the rest of the day. Overall things just feel so much more "right" this time. Even though the plan changed a little, everything feels great and I'm so thankful I felt a prompting to take an ovulation test. Had I not, we would have missed it and the whole cycle would have been wasted.

Post IUI Relaxing

Yesterday Chris and I went over to help unpack my mom's new house and we found a tape recording of me when I was a baby up to when I was three. Chris and I kept making eye contact and it was like we were reading each other's minds: We can't wait. Praying this one sticks!

Injections and ultrasounds and a cyst oh my!

It's funny when you're trying to conceive and doing all these fertility treatments how something so small can make such a huge difference. Before treatments I just thought about how sperm meets egg...everything goes right...baby! But now there's so many more steps to think about. The picture just got a whole lot bigger. I'm banking on these teeny tiny follicles to become the right size and then for at least one egg to grow and be released. Then I'm focused on having a good sperm count and praying that one little swimmer finds my little egg. And then for that little fertilized egg to implant into my uterine lining. Then wait for it to grow, grow, grow, and pray I won't miscarry and that in nine months time give birth to a precious child. It is all such a miracle! I cannot wait for ours. It will happen one day, right?

(blastocyst)bl

After doing 3 FSH injections the past week, today I went in for my follicular ultrasound to see if I'm ready to take my hCG trigger shot. They found a fluid filled cyst on the outside of my ovary, but it doesn't look like it will impact this cycle at all. They're going to check on it again in a few weeks. As long as it isn't growing or doing anything abnormal, they're not too concerned. Aside from that I only have one little ripe follicle on my right ovary, at about 16mm. My lining also looks perfect. I will trigger tomorrow night and have my IUI on Sunday. I was surprised when they said that, since I didn't think they would be open on a Sunday, but for time sensitive procedures like this they are. I'm really excited! Hubby and I know what to expect this time around and things just feel better than last time. That means I will take a pregnancy test the Sunday after Christmas...maybe Santa will come late this year? I'd be fine with that!

I'm a visual person, so I like this diagram to explain why follicles are so important. Before we started treatments I thought there's just an egg chilling in my ovary ready to pop out! Ha! There's more to it than that. The follicle has to mature and become bigger for the egg inside to be released from the follicle.

Keeping prayerful hearts for Sunday! 

(blastocyst)(

(blastocyst)

(blastocyst)

(blastocyst)

Try Try Again

I came out of my IUI with small hope. I didn't want to get excited in fear that the it wouldn't work.

But of course I started to have hope, lots of it. Chris too. He was getting excited. I think the pregnancy hormones from the trigger shot started to confuse me into believing this was actually happening. That the procedure worked and we would announce wonderful news to our families come Christmas. But in one moment it's all dashed when you realize you started your period. It came only nine short days after my IUI. Typically it should be about 14 days. We were in California for Thanksgiving with family so I had to hold my all emotions in. I told Chris before bed and I let out silent deep tears. Being around family was probably a good thing because I had to try and act like everything was okay. I think that helped my attitude in moving on.

I wasn't planning on trying in December so we could enjoy the holidays, but everything happened so fast and soon that I decided to go through it all again. Thankfully I will be in another two week wait for Christmas and won't need to see the doctor during that time.

I called our reproductive center and told them the news and asked what we should do this time. We are doing the same treatments as November, so I will be taking Femara and the injections again with the IUI. We know a lot more coming into it this time around so hopefully that will help.

Honestly, it's hard to not to wonder why my Heavenly Father isn't allowing this to happen. I beg and plead with him and hope he will give us a miracle. I have always had a hard time being patient. When I know I want something, I want it now. So perhaps He is trying to teach me patience. The teacher is always silent during a test. Even through the temptations to rebel against hope, I will fight back and hope that much harder.

My First IUI

Well it's about time I post my IUI experience. It's a good thing I waited a couple days because I have been on a roller coaster of emotions, but know I can look back on the experience with fresh eyes. 

The hCG shot definitely got to me. My raging hormones have resulted in countless unnecessary tears. Some women test out their trigger to know when it's out of their system, but I'm just trying to play it cool so I don't become obsessed with it and think I should still have the side effects because it's still in my system.

So here's IUI story #1 (wouldn't it be nice if it stayed #1?!) 

For those of you who don't know, an IUI stands for intrauterine insemination also known as artificial insemination. Basically my husband's sperm is inserted directly into my uterus, creating a more direct route with less obstacles. 

We arrived at 7:30am for Chris's SA (semen analysis) to get a collection for the IUI. They wash the collection so only the best sperm remain. It's crazy to think there are millions and millions of candidates, but it only takes one.

The whole morning my emotions were running high. Nothing felt like it was going right that morning and I already lost hope before I even went in for the IUI. At 9am I got prepped and waited and waited and waited. Finally my sweet nurse came in and talked me through the procedure. They simply insert a speculum (ouch) and then guide a catheter until they find the top of the uterus and then the sperm is injected. It's simple enough that my nurse did the whole procedure while we talked about Thanksgiving to try and distract me from all the pokes and prodding going on. It only took about 3 minutes. After everything was removed, they had me rest for about 20 minutes and then they sent me on my way with good luck wishes.

All throughout that day I had no hope. I kept saying, "We'll have to try this medication next time" and "Next time I rather do this". I was already setting myself up for a negative. But that's how I protect myself. I don't get my hopes up so I'm not crushed when what I hoped for doesn't happen. Needless to say, I cried and cried and cried all day. 

Hormones. Gotta love them.
I had moderate cramping for two days and just took it easy. I am now in what's know as the two week wait. Two weeks until I take a pregnancy test to see if all the pills, injections, ultrasound, and IUI were worth it. My goodness I hope so! All the appointments, medications, and sticking needles in myself is emotionally exhausting!!!

But this is why I'm glad I'm writing this two days later. I found my hope. It's small, but I'm hopeful. There are so many little things that have to go exactly right to become pregnant. It really is a miracle. And that is where I found my hope. I've stopped thinking about the medications and how big my follicles were and if the trigger shot worked. Now I just think of the miracle it all is. It's completely in God's hands. If it's God's will, I will become pregnant. There is nothing more I want to be in life than a mother. I want to have children and raise a family with my husband. The thought consumes every spare moment. It is always in the back of my mind. It is everything to me. 

FSH Injections

Needles. Terrify. Me. 

No bueno.

Everyday I watched my Dad inject himself with insulin and it would make me shudder. I prayed I never would get diabetes and have to do the same. I should have also prayed I would never have to take anything else that required stabbing a needle into my stomach. 

When my package arrived with my injections I was overwhelmed and scared to death. I couldn't get over the 1 1/2 inch needles that were included in the box. I thought I was going to have to use those needles until I figured out I only had to use the 1/2 inch needles. Thank goodness! The box contained enough for three 113 unit injections of Bravelle (Follicle Stimulating Hormone). 

Fun fact: Bravelle comes from human urine. Thank you kind donors for sharing your pee with me. 

The package also had my trigger shot for my IUI. The trigger shot is a ginormous dose of hCG that triggers ovulation. Since I don't ovulate on my own this will certainly be necessary. 

(Sorry about the bad picture...my hands were shaking from being so nervous!)

Last night I did my first Bravelle injection. After tears and loving support from my husband I began the process. I had to mix three bottles of the Bravelle with the sodium chloride to get an amount concentrated enough for my dosage. And then I just did it. I stabbed the needle in my stomach and pushed in the plunger and took it out. I felt like a druggie. I freaked when I saw a small amount left in the syringe and stabbed myself again fearing I didn't get enough in. That probably wasn't smart, but I'm still alive. 

I'm not trying to make light of this situation, but joking about it helps me cope. 

All in all was it that bad? No. Was it worth the tears and anxiety? Not really. Now I know the next injection tomorrow will be fine and I shouldn't have to worry. But seriously though...needles are not cool.

The things I will do for an Itty Bitty Ivie!

Back to the drawing board - Month 2 Plan!

Month One...No Luck

I feel so much for the couples that go through years of treatment without success. 

Their strength makes them my heros. 

Last month I had 10 straight days where I used ovulation prediction tests and every time, first thing is the morning, I received a negative. Not exactly the best way to start my day! Before I thought negative pregnancy tests felt bad, but I won't even get to the point of a pregnancy test again if I keep getting negative ovulation tests! I didn't really think this would happen since everything else was going great. When cycle day 21 came without a positive ovulation test I went in for a progesterone blood draw. (They only had to poke me once this time!) The progesterone was very low and confirmed I did not ovulate. 
So the Femara alone didn't work.

On a good note though, my hypothyroidism is under control! After 4 weeks of synthroid my thyroid is it a 2.4. Perfect! I still have some good days and bad days when it comes to my energy, but I can tell the synthroid is working. 

That was a hard week, but next month is another opportunity, so I'm keeping my chin up!

(I would like to add that our kids are going to look freaking adorable)

Timeline Update

A lot has happened since first meeting our doctor. I've been trying to play catch up since we started treatment over a month ago, but this blog is only a week old! Here's a timeline update: 

September 19th: First appointment with our fertility doctor. 

September 20th: My blood work came back and I was diagnosed with hypothyroidism. I started taking Prometrium to induce a period.

September 25th: Had further blood tests, thyroid exam (found nothing wrong) and was prescribed 50mcg of Synthroid a day. I will probably be taking it for the rest of my life. 

September 26th: Met with my gynecologist and got her up to date. Free Prenatal vitamins, yay!

October 3rd: After taking the Prometrium for 10 days my period started just three days later. 

October 5th: Went to the doctor for blood work and a follicular ultrasound. Everything looked great! Except my bladder was so full in preparation for the blood work that he couldn't see anything until I emptied it. I came back and my bladder was in the shape of a heart so he gave me an ultrasound picture for kicks and giggles. I got blood work done for an OAR, Anti-Mullerian Hormone, and TSH for my thyroid. My thyroid went down quite a bit which is great! Also my Ovarian Assessment Report came back and it was like I got straight A's! We're in the clear there. I also started taking 5mg of Femara today.

October 9th: Finished taking Femara. I didn't experience any side effects thankfully.

October 11th: The dreaded HSG! My next post will have all the details.

That's a wrap! Just keeping it positive :)  

 

Fertility Specialist

September 19th, 2013

Today was a wonderful day! We got up at the crack of dawn to get to our 7am appointment to meet our fertility specialist. Our doctor went over an extensive medical history for both of us and our families. He didn't have much concern for Chris, so he recommended some things for me. First off, he wants me to increase my BMI since I'm considered underweight and that is not healthy for pregnancy. He also prescribed me some fancy $85 prenatals (thank goodness for insurance!). Then he told us we could approach this three different ways, which are in short:

1. Gain weight, see if my period comes back, try naturally.

2. Do some blood tests and pop some pills, try naturally.

3. The whole show, tests, pills, HSG, IUI, IVF, etc. 

We chose in between 2 and 3. 

Our plan is as follows:

1. Induce period with Progesterone pills

2. Schedule for OAR and follicle ultrasound on day 3 of cycle

3. Take Femara days 3-7 of cycle

4. Get an HSG during days 5-10 of cycle

5. Take ovulation tests until we get a positive and come in for an IUI (intrauterine insemination)

If I don't ovulate I will do a progesterone blood draw and try all over again the next month. Try, try, try. Sometimes that word is very vexing.

I was prescribed a ton of stuff, which was a little overwhelming at first. However, it all seems simple now. After meeting with our fertility doctor, I got my blood drawn for TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone), CBC (complete blood count), and Prolactin. Fun little side story I will share about my blood getting drawn in my upcoming vlog!

All in all, we are so happy and thankful we could meet with this doctor. We have a plan in place and have already learned so much. We are slowly taking baby steps. Literally.Baby.Steps.