Rolling With The Punches...At Least Trying

The two week wait is already starting to take its toll. Just the day after transfer the roller coaster started. Ups and downs, highs and lows, hope and fear. 

I got an unexpected call last night. The woman on the other end was one of the embryologists.

"Good news! One of your embryos lasted through the extended culture and is ready for cryopreservation. You have one great looking embryo for freezing!"

Wait. What? One? 

"Just one made it? The other two didn't last?"

"The other two didn't make it, but the one you have looks great!" 

This seemed to rehearsed. Her cheerful tone was her trying to make up for the fact we lost two embryos. I was dumbfounded and the phone call ended. Chris could hear the conversation and immediately got upset. I just didn't understand.

What extended culture? I thought they froze them on Saturday? Weren't they going to freeze all three of them? You mean to tell me we just paid well over a thousand dollars out of pocket to just freeze one little embryo? Why did they extend the culture? No one told me they were doing that?

My mind was moving a mile a minute, but was stunned and slow at the same time. What just happened? Chris started asking me all these questions that I didn't know the answer to. I couldn't contain the tears. 

All that work just for three embryos? Two transferred fresh and just one that has a 50% chance of making it through the thaw for a frozen transfer? I felt doomed. Doomed that I would have to do this all again. The blood tests, the ultrasounds, the medications, the shots, the surgery. Doomed that there isn't enough left in our infertility benefit for another full IVF. 

How did we go from 19 to 10 to 9 to just 3? Why do I have to go through this? I'm too young. This isn't fair. I was supposed to have 3. That could be at least 2 more transfers, not just one with an undesirable chance of survival. 

All this was like a flash, and then it occurred to me. 

"Chris, it doesn't matter how many we have frozen, what matters is the two that are already inside me." 

I have never wanted twins more in my life. 

The Bachelor was about to start and I had already made plans to watch it with my neighbor. I dried my tears, covered my face with my glasses, took a deep breath, went over and pretended everything was fine. 

I couldn't sleep last night. I couldn't sleep this morning. I can't stop praying. I need this to work. My heart broke a little with the news last night. I can't handle anymore heart break. 

Please give us twins. If not, please just one.

Egg Retrieval

Instead of being scared out of my wits, I've been really excited for egg retrieval day. Chris and I have been watching the show House a lot and I just love learning about the body and different medical procedures. So I was somewhat thrilled about having surgery and "going under" since it's something I've never experienced before. 

I think if I could sum up the surgery in one word it would probably be "awesome". How often does someone think surgery is awesome? Perhaps it's because I feel one step closer to our end goal. (And recovery isn't terrible). 

We got to the clinic at 8:30 and went back into a private consult room. Chris left to go do his part (collection) and a nurse took me back to get changed into a very stylish gown, blue booties, and a sexy cap.

Pre-Surgery

Then they brought me into the OR and had me lay down with some warm blankets. The anesthetist poked and prodded until he finally found a vein for my IV. He was cracking jokes the whole time and said the vein on my neck looked very inviting. No thanks! Then the embryologist came in and introduced herself. She acted like she just drank about 20 cups of coffee. The anesthetist told me he was starting the IV and that I should feel calm. I asked if that was the stuff that would put me out and he said he would administer that soon. Next thing I knew I was a giggling mess in a different room and in a different bed. I immediately realized what happened and told Chris, "That was the coolest thing ever!" Still groggy and giggly, a nurse came in and said they got 19 eggs.

"19! 19! Chris, 19? That's so cool! 19!" I was high. And elated. Chris said that the doctor already told him and that he sounded pretty excited about the success. I've heard of people getting more, but I didn't expect I would have 19 eggs worth retrieving.  

Apparently at one point I said, "I could do this everyday if I didn't have to go to work!" Obviously the pain medicine hadn't worn off yet. 

I then went on about how the anesthetist was a liar and put me out earlier than I was expecting. I thought I would have to count down like they do in the movies. I still can't get over how cool it was. The nurse gave me a heating pad which helped with the intense cramping. She also brought us apple juice and bunny crackers which further elevated my super excited high state.The nurse went over some things with me and helped me to stand and see if I was good to go home. Shortly after I got changed and Chris helped me walk out to the car. I just laid on the couch the rest of the day. It wasn't too painful, just a lot of cramping and back pain. 

Post-Surgery

Chris had to work that afternoon since end of month is always really crazy. Ashley would check on me every now and then and our wonderful Primary President brought us dinner. It definitely put my cooking to shame. Probably the best chicken enchiladas we've ever had. 

Well now it's the day after and I'm doing really good. I haven't even taken pain killers today. I went to work and took it easy. The heating pad Ashley let me borrow is probably my favorite thing in the world right now.

The hCG shot and other meds, plus the huge amount of bloating from the surgery has really messed with my digestive system. I'm either nauseous or craving things. Seriously, all I can think about right now is ice cream.

Ice cream...