Part 1: Our Little Embryo

This is Part 1 of a series of posts telling the journey to our third little miracle baby. 

Click here to read Part 2. 

We have a frozen embryo. A beautiful "good +" blastocyst just waiting to be given a chance. When we froze it I never thought I would feel so attached.

Boston and Lyla were embryos (as everyone once was). We saw them. We have a picture. Just a bunch of cells that ended up turning into the greatest blessing we have ever received. Fully knowing an embryo's potential is what has made me so attached to the one frozen embryo we have. I am so thankful that we were able to save at least one. But I feel so bad...I feel so bad this embryo, this beginning of life, is stuck. Frozen in time. Waiting.

I truly feel a connection, like there is a perfect spirit waiting in heaven to be united with a body. A body that begins with an embryo. Our embryo.

Chris was the one that actually approached me about transferring our embryo. We want our kids to be close in age. We prayed and it just made sense. So we set up an appointment with my reproductive endocrinologist to get an idea of what a frozen embryo transfer would be like and how we need to start preparing. If Chris had his way, we would have started treatment the next day, but instead we chose a date two months later.

To be honest I'm terrified. Terrified that this embryo is our last chance. Terrified that it won't make it through the thaw. Terrified I won't get pregnant. Terrified that I won't have more children. But I know that hope is where comfort is found and hope is where miracles begin.

Fast forward one month later...

It's all happening again. The stress that comes with being infertile. The stress that comes with money and trying to work with insurance. The stress that comes with the medications. The stress of wondering if you'll have more kids. Am I being selfish? Is it selfish that I have two beautiful twins and I want more? Being a mom is everything to me. I love it.

Because I'm writing a more condensed version of this story, I'll just say we ran into a lot of problems with insurance. My fertility clinic was no longer covered and we had received no warning. With treatment already started, I was extremely stressed out. One option was to cancel the treatment, transport our embryo to a different fertility clinic that our insurance recognized and start over. I really didn't want to do that. A lot of tears were shed that day.

Long story short, we worked some things out, decided to continue my treatment and stay at my clinic. I'm so glad we were able to. Things always tend to work out, don't they?

         

Click here to read Part 2