It's 6 am and I should be asleep, but I can't. Ever lie awake for hours unable to turn your brain off? That's what is happening to me right now. I'm a combination of sad and upset, and I just can't stop thinking about it.
The twins are fine, in fact they've been giving me love kicks all night.
I just don't feel fine. I learned yesterday how underpaid I am, and how
my job has been taking advantage of me. I feel like I've been cheated.
I've done a lot for my job. I've helped build and grow a program from the
ground up. No one was there to train me, yet now I'm training a mini me
that is making thousands upon thousands more than me. She has the same
job description, and no related experience. Yet, I'm not even making close
to what she is. It makes no sense.
This couldn't be better timing. For months I've been debating on when I
should quit my job. This was the last straw and I'm happy to say I'll be
putting in my two weeks notice on Monday.
So why am I writing this (besides to vent)? Ever since college I've
known that the workplace isn't for me. It's not that I'm lazy, I'm a
very hard and successful worker. But I've known for years that all I
want to be "when I grow up" is the best wife and mother I can be.
I love being a wife. I love taking care of my husband, packing his
lunches, making him dinner, doing his laundry (okay, that one is a lie),
and helping him in any way I can. After we were married I knew
motherhood could be right around the corner, the next thing I wanted to
be more than anything.
Well it wasn't exactly around the corner. It was more like up a long
steep hill. Thoughts of never being a mother haunted me. But look at us
now...lots of love and prayer, a dash of science, and a big scoop of
miracle have made us soon-to-be parents to our precious twins.
I guess the point I'm trying to get at is despite the fact I've been
miserable at my job and recently found out I've been used and abused, it doesn't really matter. Just a few more weeks and I've got
my dream job. Yes, I actually want a career path in spit-up and
tantrums. Payment in hugs and smiles from my children will be worth
more than any paycheck.
I am so thankful that I get to be a mom. I am so thankful that I have
the honor of being my husband's wife. I'm thankful that he is such a
hard worker and that his efforts will allow me to stay at home with our
kids. I'm even thankful for my lousy job...it's at least helped the time
fly by so I'm that much closer to holding my babies.
I love you baby A and baby B. I can't wait to be your momma.