Friday, January 17, 2014

Thankful for Bad News

I was thinking today about how grumpy I've been and how I really should post some things I'm thankful for. And then I got bad news. And I cried. In the bathroom. At work. Like a baby. Because I want a baby.

But then I thought about how this would be a good opportunity for me to look for the good in something bad.

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I'm going to start naming that thing... ;)
Well, my period came on Wednesday (cycle day 16) which is crazy early. It's because they didn't have me do the progesterone supplement, which only confirms that I do need it here on out. I won't even tell you how you're supposed to take the pill because it's nasty. So this morning I went in for a typical day 3 baseline ultrasound and blood draw. I only have one tiny vein they draw from and the vein is starting to get scarred. The ultrasound showed the corpus luteum in my left ovary is still there. Normally you would see the beginnings of some tiny follicles, but it was cloudy again. My nurse said she would call me later today after she talks to the doctor about what to do. I had been thankful my period came so dang early (twice in a month? yuck) because that meant I could accomplish 2 cycles in 1 month. Get 'er done! But my nurse called and said my left ovary needs to recover. She gave me two options.

1. Wait until my next period...which would never happen on my own. 
2. Take birth control pills for three weeks then wait for a period to come from it.

I've never taken birth control pills in my life. So I didn't like the idea at first, but then I knew I'd be waiting months for a period to come on it's own. I decided on the lesser of the two bummer options and will be taking birth control for the next three weeks. I cried after hanging up because it meant another month of waiting. That evil word snuck up on me again...WHY? But then I excused the word and starting looking for the positives and what I am thankful for.

I am thankful for the chance to have a short break from doctor appointments, blood draws, pills, injections, and stress of it all to let my body rest. 

I am thankful that I can take the birth control pills because they will help "reset" my hormones and help me get in check for next time.

I am thankful for this time that I can focus on becoming one with my body and de-stress.

I am thankful for this time where I can focus solely on my husband and not have the distractions from infertility treatments. 

I have been really sensitive to news about new pregnancies so I have also deactivated Facebook. It's just too much for me, so I'm choosing to take a break from all that until I am strong enough to take it without sinking into a dark place. Again, I am thankful for this short break and plan to make the most of it. I want to focus more on my husband, and things I like doing like singing, baking, photography, enjoying the outdoors, reading, and exercising.

I have two goals for these next 4 weeks:

1. To go more than a day without crying...yes I am serious. 

2. To do as much as I possibly can with my husband, however big or small the adventures may be. 

Here's to a happy 4 weeks!

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