Paralyzed. Just lost in emotion.
That's how I feel every time someone I know gets pregnant. I say "congratulations" with the most genuine smile I can muster...but inside I'm completely crushed. It takes everything I can to fight the tears and pretend everything is okay. My heart breaks a little more each time.
A month ago I went to one of my best friend's baby showers. I wanted to go because I hadn't seen her in forever, but it was so hard. Passing around the baby clothes and talking about all things baby. I am so happy for her, but there came a point where I just needed to escape and get my mind on something else. It took a lot of willpower to keep a smile on my face that night.
I'm so blessed to have a wonderful husband that understands my desire and longing for a child. He just holds me while I fall apart. Originally I was going to write like I was this really strong person confronting a trial, but sometimes you just need to cry. My heart goes out to those facing the same thing.
We are so blessed to have a wonderful doctor. We are so blessed that we can communicate the desires of our heart with our Father in Heaven through prayer. It gives me the comfort that it will be okay.